thrown into the fire
Every year that passes, I find myself floating deeper in space, looking for familiar footholds to connect me to solid ground. Even after locating the footholds, there is a question of which way is up, where am I going? Why am I climbing?
Presumably, this is a common experience of aging. We all face questions of our mortality. Growth is no longer inevitable as it was in our youth, instead decay rests on our doorstep. I wonder if this is the function of religion. To provide answers; to say to everyone that everything is going to be okay.
In this vein, there is a verse in the Bible that tells its readers to not be anxious. That God even protects the flowers. He cares for them and they bloom and they are beautiful.
“And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ Or ‘What shall we drink?’ Or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:28-33 ESV
This verse is meant to assuage the anxieties of its readers: Have you seen the beautiful lilies of the field? You are worth more than a lily. Surely that is obvious. And look how well the lilies are taken care of! But what about the dead lilies? The lilies that were ‘thrown into the oven’. We only have the privilege of witnessing survivors.
Furthermore, am I an individual lily? Is humanity the collection of lilies or only the surviving ones? Certainly, the survivors are beautiful, they are eternal. They are celebrated but those that don’t make it? Should they have worried?
I think that the crux of the verse is this: “Seek first the kingdom of God…” The point is that clothes, drink, and food are indeed necessary but not the point of our existence. There are matters of the soul to consider. We have to live to pursue (and define) what is good. Our lives should not be squandered in the pursuit of ephemeralities.
As an aside, the literal existence of God, of god, of GOD (and this ‘kingdom’): I do not know. The literal existence of an afterlife: I do not know. In our culture, we want certainty. There is good and bad. Decisions to be made are OBVIOUS. Anyone who does not understand what is obvious is an idiot. Well, I do not know. I want to see the world around me and derive the most that I can.
So, it is a matter of focusing on what is worth the time and energy. For now, I will consider the “Kingdom of God” as a metaphor for things that exist eternally, which, presumably, includes the lilies of the field. They are worth emulating because they have the correct hierarchy of existence.
In the material world, human beauty is easily misconstrued by appearances. It feels wonderful to be admired and successful. It is possible, though, that the power that results from salaries, clothes, and exclusivity (alluring undoubtedly) is simply a distraction. My ego drives me toward power and influence but it manipulates me. It protects what does not need to be protected. I can leave those pursuits to ‘god’ — to the universe, to fate, to chance: it should not concern me. What is *most *beautiful is not man-made. Not even Solomon can compete. Money cannot buy what is permanent.
So what are we chasing? What are we prioritizing in our lives? Is it something that doesn’t matter? Everyone in this world has an opportunity to be a lily in the field. To exist beyond our bodies, minds, and hearts. Clothes? They are necessary. They protect us but only as long as we are alive. We will live for at most one hundred years and twenty years. The price of our clothes and the control we have over the world will ebb and flow. Why chase something as short-lasting as power?
“Fortune, good night; Smile once more; turn thy wheel.”
Thus, the sensible investment is in the eternal. And what is eternal? Love of one another. Community. Culture. Beauty. Ideas. We can take what we know and pass it on. We can forgive one another. My name will be forgotten shortly after I die but the ripples of my existence will not.
An internal conflict arises between wants and needs. My ego, my id — my most base self yearns to immerse itself in the pleasures of the world. It wants to devour all that glitters. Only with reflection can these desires be subdued. It is natural to crave worldly opulence. It is unnatural to discover eternity, to recognize the self, and then to forget it just as quickly.
Ultimately, it is up to everyone to decide what is worth striving for. Or, more appropriately, what is worth worrying about. Anyone telling someone else what to believe is wrong. We all must decide for ourselves because belief exists within our hearts. No one can force me into what to believe in. I can be jailed, tortured, or shot in the head, but no one has access to the contents of my heart. That is the ultimate freedom. Why worry about anything else but what is in my control?
I wrote about this verse initially because I felt like it missed the point of individual existence. I do not want to be cast aside. I do not want to die. I want to be one of the beautiful flowers. I want to reach my potential: “You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!” I do not want to be a part of the ugly flowers that are burned. But perhaps I have a choice. The quality of myself as a flower is not based on circumstances that are out of my control. I have agency. I am a human being. I am even more than a flower in a field.
And yet, the flowers are exceptionally beautiful. Even greater than that? Horrifying. That is responsibility. I can be something more beautiful, more eternal. Not my body though. Not my name. My love, my community. My ideas. They expand beyond me. Each lily contributes to the composition of the field as a whole. They are the same. I do not crave individual glory (a part of me does undeniably but it is vanity) and yet I have a job as an individual flower to be the best that I can be. In the end, the remaining flowers are greater than anything that can be imagined. The lilies of the field persist. At the end of time the ideas, culture, and love remain.